i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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