i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
