I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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