a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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