id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
