4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
