Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
