I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
