My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize