Umm I'm too high to move.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
