But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
