i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
