I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
