I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I pour the whiskey from now on
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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