FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
