i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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