I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
