i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
