Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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