I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
