I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
