she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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