The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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