Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
