i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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