i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
