this boner is exhausting
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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