Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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