I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
