Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
