I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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