Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
