I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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