So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
how does that bad decision feel?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
