I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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