i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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