I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
