I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
