Can i not drive my cunt home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
