my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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