She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
