the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
