Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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