This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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