a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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