Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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