Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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