Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
