well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
