I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
