I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
