so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
