I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
