I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
