The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
