I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
