all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
