Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
