Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
