dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's great music for shaving your balls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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