oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
