ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
