Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
