do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is my gift to your gina
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
