You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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