There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
