She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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